Empty Road

These couple of months have been good so far, but I wouldn't call it great either.
I am a 19 year old girl turning 20 soon that does not have a license yet. . . I really want to and discover new places. Right now is so tough for me because with out a social, i can't have a job, license, mission . and get a credit card to gain my credit score high. I am the type of person that loves to organize anything, and what i really to organize is my Life. I am being patiently waiting for my papers, but at this point is hard, summer is just around the corner, everyone is going on vacations, everyone drives, everyone works, everyone is in school and there is me, doing Nothing. I have a bike, i could go and ride it to the canyon, but my tire has to be fixed. I could go and take the bus, but my bus card is out of order, which i have to pay again so i can use it wisely. I wouldn't say, "this sucks!" but i know i have to be patient.
I still feel guilty for many things i have done in the past, i can't let it go and this has nothing to do with my boyfriend, a lot of people judge him because he is catholic, and a lot of people judge me because i am with him and i am Mormon. Like i said, i am use to it, but sometimes people need to learn that your are being judge as well by someone and you just don't even know it, what goes around, comes around. My boyfriend Jeiser has been there for me, he listens to the things that i am going through right know, he still supports me and helps me. No matter what the season, he will always be there. Another especially someone who has been there ever since i was born has to be heavenly father, i always talk to him when i am alone, i tend to talk to myself a lot, which a lot of my friends find it weird for someone who talks by themselves. But i talk to myself a lot because i know God is listening and even if he doesn't appear to me, i can still feel his presence by my side.
I thought at a lot about "friendship" and when i was little i always wanted to have a best friend till childhood till death! I don't believe in that to be honest, with the things that have been happening every single year of my teenage life, friends come and go, i have made a lot of friends and i would say 5% of them are still my friends but not closest either. They come and go. I am thankful that i still have those friends in my life and made my memories memorable. But at this point, i never felt comfort in neither of them. The only one that i have felt comfort all these years have to be heavenly father, he will never be fake, he will never break his promises, he will always support me no matter what. I cry at my alone times when i see a lot of my friends hanging out and having their fun times, i don't get jealous, I get sad because i feel Invisible.
I know a lot of people have similar stories to this, and i don't blame them. Is hard, but to be honest, the much harder it gets the more i tend to learn from the world and i will feel more secure in a good way when i have my own family to take care of.
Hopefully i move out of state when i get married in the future, i love Utah, but is not for me. I love my parents so much that i get scared when i see them aged every year, i know is life, but with out my mother my life would suck. But thanks to her, she has helped me a lot and has been there for me. I love her. Yesterday, i have been meditating and i know in my heart that everything will be better and i know i will succeed in the future with my career and comfort others. I do enjoy my life, i cannot complain because i am healthy, and i am Alive. That's all that matters, be thankful that you are alive. Life is not over yet, is just waiting for you to make that step. "Stop what you are doing, Do the things that are more Important to you."
There is no Empty road, you are just dehydrated, drink water, get some rest and tomorrow will be a new journey to start the Day, and your road will be full over new adventures.